beazy87

fucking awesome

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 05:45:28 GMT

im soooo excited, im going to see Alanis Morissette in concert!!!!!!

sorry i had to tell someone haha

I hope everyone is well.

Peace

Life goes on!

Fri, 16 May 2008 17:27:12 GMT

so whats up everyone! school is out for now which is awesome but i am taking summer classes so that may suck. also i am changing my major to anthropology (the study of culture) im really excited. it feels great to finally figure out what you want to do with your life.

i am also very happy to be moving, i can't wait. I am going meet with apt. people today to look at an apt. in westwood. they are town houses and from what i hear, they are really spacious.

other than that news, my life is pretty simple. i miss old friends that have moved away or i left behind somewhere. these days life just flies by so fast. but i dunno, things change, people change, but all i can do is be me.

i hope everyone has a great summer and maybe ill cya around.

peace peace

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:20:01 GMT

So clever, whatever,
I'm done with these endeavors.
Alone I walk the winding way.
(Here I stay)

It's over, no longer,
I feel it growing stronger.
I'll live to die another day, until I fade away.

[Chorus]
Why give up, why give in?
It's not enough, it never is.
So I will go on until the end.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough, it never is.
But I will go on until the end.

Surround me,
It's easy to fall apart completely.
I feel you creeping up again.
(In my head)

It's over, no longer,
I feel it growing colder.
I knew this day would come to end,
So let this life begin.

[Chorus]
Why give up, why give in?
It's not enough, it never is.
So I will go on until the end.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough, it never is.
But I will go on until the end.
I've lost my way.
I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.

Living is hard enough without you fucking up.

The final fight I win,
the final fight I win,
the final fight I win, but I will go on until the end

so of you may not like Breaking Benjamin but i don't care, this song is one of my favorites that i can relate to a lot. it kinda makes be fell better about life.
but what ever.

life sucks and it always will

BABY

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:27:04 GMT

Kendle Riley Cox (i might have spelled her first and middle name wrong i dunno)

7lb 3oz

Feb. 18, 2008

I thinks she looks likes my Nephew peyton but the rest of my
family thinks she looks like Karlie.

This is from Christmas morning, we were watching Dora or something and
she rolled over towards me and i said lets take a nap and i closed my eyes.
then thinking that she was going to close her eyes and i would open mine
and she would open her eyes and start laughing like her brother peyton used
to do when he was little ( it was our game we would play when he was supposed
to be taking a nap. i guess it sounds stupid but it was cute). well when i opened my eyes
hers were still closed and she was asleep haha. Then i just fell asleep haha.

we were watching tv and she was playing in the floor and she tooted (relieved herself)
and then jumped up, ran into her room and she was gone for a min.
then she ran back into the room with all these diapers. She mumbled something
and i learned that she does this every time she shits hahahaha.

this is my soon to be sister in law. Morgan thinks karlie looks
like me haha and she makes my same facial expressions haha

But anyways this is my family... I was bored and wanted to share some pics.

Have a good Day

...as a kite

whats next

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:14:17 GMT

I would like to apologize to everyone for not posting on here, i just get so busy with my boring life that i forget to write on here.

Well im turning 21 next week and i should be like "oh i can't wait" but the truth is that i don't care. My life sucks so bad right now that i don't even care about tomorrow or what it brings. In addition to my birthday next week, i will be welcoming a new niece into the world, im really excited about that though. I just feel stuck all the time and like everyone else is living there lives and time has been frozen for me and im not goin anywhere. I have basically turned myself into a hermit and for some reason im ok with that, but i shouldn't be. I dunno maybe im rambling. But just so everyone knows i am alive, and well im just here. I really do miss everyone though.

I hope life gets better, i hope i get better.

well i hope everyone is doin well, maybe ill see u around

?

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 06:55:11 GMT

A lot has changed in my life and not for the better. Their for a while my life was going pretty well and i don't know what happened. School sucks, work sucks, and i suck at life. I know what most of you reading this are going to blame it on and you may be right but i really doubt it.

I'm tired of being in the middle of everyones problems, it stresses me out so bad. But the only good thing is that i don't take sides, which i think is the right thing to do. Everyone has problems with other people, and the one major problem with this is that they can't confront the other individual, they would rather sit around and do nothing and talk shit. That really bothers me. If you have a problem with someone then confront them, just don't act fake in front of them and then later when their gone talk shit about them to who ever is around.

So i haven't taken my med. in months and right now i think im ok, but i notice that im not self motivated like i was b4. i dunno i just want to be normal so i can do the things im supposed to and eventually make my family proud. Right now i just see myself as a failure, im failing at life.

On another note, i dunno if anyone remembers that Derek guy i dated for awhile last semester. But we have kinda started talking again but not really and i don't want to get my heart trampled on again but i really like him. Things ended on a bad note the last time because "things were going to fast" but that was only because he had just gotten out of a 1yr. engagement and they had only been separated for a couple of months b4 we met. Anyways i can't tell whether or not he we are talking or if we are just friends. He talks to me almost everyday if not everyday and he always wants me to come see him. Its just very confusing...but ill talk more about that later.

i don't really know what else to right about so i leave u with some quotes.

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
-Anne Frank

And finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside, and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and could be, if there weren't any other people living in the world.
-Anne Frank

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
-Judy Garland

good night that is all........

whats new

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 05:06:34 GMT

Yeah so its been awhile.....so this summer ive been really busy, my uncle got to come home a couple of weeks ago and he is doing really well. I have a dog named Sherman he keeps me company when im home and he stays with my parents and my grandma when im gone, he's really good for my grandma because she can't hear well he lets her know when people visit her. So i have this appartment in bowling green, i like it but there is a lot of drama down here that i choose to stay out of so i go home a lot to spend time with my family. I got a job at Toy's R Us so that should be fun. But other than that my life it boring. Well i hope everyone is having a great summer and i miss you all.

1 phone call can change everything

Wed, 02 May 2007 05:32:57 GMT

        Earlier tonight i had just got back from schedualing morgans skating party that is now 6-9 on friday night and i called my mom just to talk. When she answered, she was crying hystarically and the first thought that poped up in my mind was something happened to nana(my grandma). I could barly understand what she was saying and she said that my uncle dale had a very bad stroke. At that moment i felt my heart drop and i lost it.
     For those of you that don't know, my uncle dale is one of the greatest people i know. He is soooo funny and we are very very close. He is like a big teddy bear and he always knows how to make you smile even when u feel sooo horrible.
      It was hard to get very much info from my mom but she said that my aunt came home and he was asleep and she couldn't wake him up so there is no telling how long he was laying there without any oxygen going to his brain. She then said that they were flying him out to Louisville Stroke center or something like that and that she didn't know if he was ok. My mom isn't a very religious person and she just kept begging me to pray for him. that was weird but i did so. All i know now is that he is on his way to louisville and the stroke affect the front top part of his brain, which is where your memory is located. She said that she got to see him and he knew who he was but not he didn't know anyone else and that one side of his face was droopy. I've been crying for the past couple of hours and i feel helpless and that there is nothing i can do. All i want is for him to be okay and to see him but i couldn't bare to see him like this. Everyone keeps saying he's goin to be ok but i know he will never be the same and that kills me.
       I don't know what to do with myself. I want to be there with my family but what about school? Plus i don't even have the money to get there. I feel horrible because morgans birthday is coming up and this is her weekend and if things don't get better for him then i won't be here. I feel asthough my family needs me but i have no way of getting there. My uncle is the rock that holds us together and i pray that he gets better. I have sooo much running through my mind at the moment that i can't comprehend anything that is goin on. I feel traped in this room and i need to get away. I need to see my uncle and my family. But i also need to go to class and take my finals. I just don't know what to do, i can't even go a second without thinking about it and worrying about what could happen. I don't really have any friends here besides morgan because most people can't swollow there pride and work things out, they don't realize how much it is affecting everyone. What has happened in the past is over so lets move on. I'm over it, now all im goin to worry about is my uncle and his life because i need him in my life. I wish this would had just happened to me instead of him because he doesn't deserve this, he is loved by so many unlike me. Well now all i can do is wait for my mom to call back and let me know how he is so this is goin to be a long night with no sleep.
please say a prayer for my uncle and my family

Quotes About Friends/ How I Feel

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 20:54:19 GMT

People never know how special someone is until they leave, but maybe sometimes its important to leave, so they are given that chance to see how special that someone really is!

And I'm still here, waiting here, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when I shouldn't care at all.

Should I forgive and should I forgive the hurt that's caused me all this?

Your best friends are going to hurt you every once in a while, you must forgive them for that.

Friends are the roses of life: pick them carefully and avoid the thorns.

A good friend finds it harder to hold a pencil than to hold a grudge.

A friend is someone who listens when you speak, understands when you cry and guides you on your way.

*They say you hold you friends close and your enemies closer. Im glad we've became so much closer.

The world never stops shitting on me

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 18:16:37 GMT

for the past couple of weeks, ive felt like shit. I'm surrounded by neverending drama. I am constanly stressed out and no one understands anything i go through. As much as i try to be happy and try to make myself a person people want as a friend or just to hang with, i always fail miserbly. I've always been a type of person to put others b4 myself, then when i do that i allow people to take advantage of me and i end up getting hurt really bad in the end. I believe i am a horrible friend and i need to die. As much as i try and try its never enough. All my life i have had "friends" but i feel as though im always being used or trampled on. I do have feelings and i feel that many people do care and they just want to make themselves look good or blame others because they thank it will make them feel better. I've always at some point realized my mistakes and i don't blam others because its my problem and i need to fix it. I've had a really rough time this year and in some ways i feel like i have grown as a person but then i realize that its not enough. I have not heard from my friend Tracey in 3 weeks and when i call she always calls me back but i havn't heard one word from her and im so worried and theirs nothing i can do. i keep thinking of all these things that could be wrong but then im like if shes dead how would i find out, something is very wrong but i have no way of finding out and its driving me insain and i cry and cry because i feel like she is in trouble and she needs by help but im scared to figure it out. Alot of people take there friends for granded thinking that they will just find new ones but you will realize that no one can take there place and that u feel like something is missing. im on the verge of giving up because no one wants to swollow there pride and work things out. I have a friend that could be dead for all i know and its killing be because i have no way of knowing. I know that i can not survive in this world without friends but i feel like i have none. Nobody knows how bad i just want to kill my self because of how horrible of a friend i am/person. i can not bare to loose anymore friends because they are what keeps me goin especially tracey and she is missing. I don't know what to do anymore. i can't really explain how down i feel but it feels like im down to my last breath. I leave u with this thought, Please don't take your friends for granted even if your mad at them right now. Because u never know when there time is up on the earth. You must sometimes swollow your pride and make things right because i know that you don't want the last words they hear from you to be I HATE YOU. Like i said i have a best friend who i havn't heard from in like a month and thats very unusual and i have no way of finding out if she is ok. I want her to know that i love her and i need her in my life but she is nowhere to be found. I need to know shes ok but how would i figure that out.

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 17:35:31 GMT

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more religious than atheist, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are outgoing (100%), musical (87%), artistic (72%), romantic (71%).

Stereotypes
Punk Rock	93%
Emo Kid	89%
White Trash	82%

Life Experience
Sex	25%
Substances	59%
Travel	15%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Conservative, whom you agree with around 46% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 100% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG.
By the way, your hottness rank is 60%, hotter than 48% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

Spring Break

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 00:40:26 GMT

Ok so as u know we are in Minn. so far its been awesome. and for those who are wondering, me and tyler havn't killed each other and we are actually getting along. there has been a couple of arguments but all is well. tomorrow we go to the JUDY GARLAND muesum and im sooooo excited!!!!!!well i guess we are getting ready to eat so i miss everyone and can't wait to see you next week...luv ya

What to do?

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 21:44:11 GMT

Have u ever had something in your life that u really enjoy doin and it means a lot to u, but other people disagree and think that its nothing? Well i do. I have this opportunity to not only do something i enjoy but also get paid for it. To me this might be a dream come true. These other people i mentioned may be friends or family. But for me it involves both. Some of you may say who cares what they think and do what makes you happy, but the problem is is that i care what they think because i don't want to loose a friend or a family member.
My mom supports me and what i want, and i love her for that. My dad on the other hand disagrees. Even though he knows how much this means to me, he thinks that it will interfere with something that i don't want to do and this something is what i have been forced to do my whole life in order to make other family members happy. I tried to make a way were i could do what my dad wants and then leave that early and still make it to my thing. But he wouldn't have it. I don't know what to do....
Now for the friends part. The thing that i want to do isn't something that most of my friends agree with. I get teased a lot by them about what this involves and it bothers me. They may be joking and everyone loves a good laugh but this is not something to joke about with me. This is a big deal for me and i just want everyone to understand that this is something i feel like i need to do. I need all the support i can get...i feel so alone!!!!
Well thanks for listening and if you have any ideas about what i should do then let me know....Thanks

I'm sorry

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:57:43 GMT

Overweight

ever carried the weight of another?
for how long?
or walk as far as they need to recover?
for how long?

i want to carry a piece of who i was before
so when i hit the wall i really hit the wall
i want to tear away the death again
a whiter shade of fucking meth again
i want to stick to clues
i want to come unglued
i want to shape the world to fit the way you move
i should of listened for your dress size

i’ve grown up, i owned up do you remember me?
i showed up and so what if i'm the used to be
i'm here to tell you that i’m sorry i was sorry
but i’m happy that you're happy this is no longer about me
trade roles, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
let him be there through your beautiful cries
let him hold you up so you can touch all four of your skies
and live your life just like a dream without the pain of goodbyes
goodbye

ever carried the weight of another?
for how long?
or walk as far as they need to recover?
for how long?

i’ve been a drunk, disrespectful little street punk
unlock the back of my trunk, you see i take this bat
and bash my head into the street again
no ones around so i keep beating it
pull my hair back and look me in the eye
there’s a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
it's the guilt of what reality has given me
making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity

when your sick you seem to think you failed eternally
and that the people you let in are only crumbling
i’m fucking sick of faking life and this recovery
when my decisions paved the road that lies in front of me
so to the friends that even call that i don’t call back
i hold you deep inside my heart upon a hill
it seems to hide sometimes to run away and wonder
i’m really sick of saying sorry but i will

ever carried the weight of another?
for how long?
or walk as far as they need to recover?
for how long?

are we scared to take the ride?
or dare to look inside...
i’m floating farther away
floating farther away
floating farther away... letting go

i wanna learn to walk with others as an equal
i wanna treat the ones who love me with respect
i wanna tell the world i’ll give them all a piggy back
and try to take away my negative affect
i wanna kiss a man and know i'll never lie again
i wanna call my dad and tell him that i care
i wanna let my brother know he saved my life
a thousand times throughout the years
he's been the friend who's always there...

floating farther away
floating farther away
i'm floating farther away.....letting go

Yeah

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 06:07:03 GMT

Psalm 69
1 Save me, O God,
For the waters have threatened my life.
2 I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me.
3 I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched;
My eyes fail while I wait for my God.
4 Those who hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of my head;
Those who would destroy me are powerful, being wrongfully my enemies;
What I did not steal, I then have to restore.
5 O God, it is You who knows my folly,
And my wrongs are not hidden from You.
6 May those who wait for You not be ashamed through me, O Lord GOD of hosts;
May those who seek You not be dishonored through me, O God of Israel,
7 Because for Your sake I have borne reproach;
Dishonor has covered my face.
8 I have become estranged from my brothers
And an alien to my mother's sons.
9 For zeal for Your house has consumed me,
And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.
10 When I wept in my soul with fasting,
It became my reproach.
11 When I made sackcloth my clothing,
I became a byword to them.
12 Those who sit in the gate talk about me,
And I am the song of the drunkards.
13 But as for me, my prayer is to You, O LORD, at an acceptable time;
O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness,
Answer me with Your saving truth.
14 Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink;
May I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters.
15 May the flood of water not overflow me
Nor the deep swallow me up,
Nor the pit shut its mouth on me.
16 Answer me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good;
According to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me,
17 And do not hide Your face from Your servant,
For I am in distress; answer me quickly.
18 Oh draw near to my soul and redeem it;
Ransom me because of my enemies!
19 You know my reproach and my shame and my dishonor;
All my adversaries are before You.
20 Reproach has broken my heart and I am so sick
And I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
And for comforters, but I found none.
21 They also gave me gall for my food
And for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.
22 May their table before them become a snare;
And when they are in peace, may it become a trap.
23 May their eyes grow dim so that they cannot see,
And make their loins shake continually.
24 Pour out Your indignation on them,
And may Your burning anger overtake them.
25 May their camp be desolate;
May none dwell in their tents.
26 For they have persecuted him whom You Yourself have smitten,
And they tell of the pain of those whom You have wounded.
27 Add iniquity to their iniquity,
And may they not come into Your righteousness.
28 May they be blotted out of the book of life
And may they not be recorded with the righteous.
29 But I am afflicted and in pain;
May Your salvation, O God, set me securely on high.
30 I will praise the name of God with song
And magnify Him with thanksgiving.
31 And it will please the LORD better than an ox
Or a young bull with horns and hoofs.
32 The humble have seen it and are glad;
You who seek God, let your heart revive.
33 For the LORD hears the needy
And does not despise His who are prisoners.
34 Let heaven and earth praise Him,
The seas and everything that moves in them.
35 For God will save Zion and build the cities of Judah,
That they may dwell there and possess it.
36 The descendants of His servants will inherit it,
And those who love His name will dwell in it.

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 20:54:40 GMT

The moment some of you have been waiting for hehe...remember my big plans to have a camping thing here in c-ville well its gonna happen...hopefully haha...we are shooting for the first weekend in august, the 5th and 6th...if this is a promblem for those of you who were actually planning on coming, please let me know...and if its not then i can't wait to see u here...if you have any questions please call me at 256-679-4543..

i wish i was back at school

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 21:08:17 GMT

I know its been a while sence i have done this but where i live now i don't have a computer. But anyways, so much has happened to me in these past few weeks. it seems like i have been away from school for like a year. I miss everyone so much!!! u guys are like my family... my friends here kinda suck and they only want to start drama. I have went so long being drama free that now i just get pissed off to be around them. morgan now lives with me and my friend dezi and it's not as bad as i thought it would be. I told my friend shawn bought me and morgan, it wasn't bad at all, it just good to have someone that i can talk to here in c-ville about it. just so everyone knows i have been off drugs for 1 month now and i miss it so bad but i wont go back. Well i started dating my friend eric again and we ended up...well u know. but i do belive he was a virgin and i feel really bad. but we don't talk anymore because he is an ass and i don't even think that i was even ready to be in a relationship. but anyways enough of this sappy crap...i have to go clean my house some more..i would love to here from u guys so please call me. 256-679-4543...

Tue, 16 May 2006 04:36:41 GMT

ok so it has been a while sence i have wrote on here but ive been way too busy...now that im at home ive been so bored but ive been busy tryin to clean my old house because me morgan and our friend dezi are goin to live their this summer. ive been so stressed out because morgan made me go get a job today and we got hired at Amazon.com and i have to take a fuckin drug test wed. and i have no clue what im gonna do. its been 10 days sence i have smoked pot and i don't know what to do. Me and morgan are doin ok, but its weird not living with her right now... i don't see her often but when i do she's always makin fun of me infront of our friends and it kinda bothers me because she makes me seem like im so stupid and she keeps bringing up the FUCKIN love room.. if u don't know what that means ask morgan cause she will fucking tell u all about it..its like she wants to rub it in my face and she will keep on until i go fucking crazy. I really miss everyone and i can't wait to see everyone tomorrow..i dunno, everytime i come home i get really stressed out and depressed.

I'll do this....

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 20:57:19 GMT

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 05:08:23 GMT

ok so today or should i say yesturday sucked horribly. i hate my life and sometimes i find myself wanting to back to my old ways. i seem to be getting so fed up over stupid things and im hurting others around me. everyone has been on edge with me today and i just feel like shit. i can't wait till school is over so i can crawl back into my lil hole and wait for next semester. i want to give up so bad on everything. lets face it i suck at life. i left alabama for something better and maybe a new start and at first thats what i had then all hell broke loose and i became alone again. well i guess enough of this stupid shit, im just gonna go take my meds, take a shower and cry myself asleep.

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 18:22:30 GMT

Today sucks!!!i had to go back to the doctor this morning and im still sick and i have more medicine to take.I really need to quit smoking cause that's a big factor in it but i love it so much haha. Well hopefully today will get better, but i really doubt it.

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 01:08:02 GMT

Ok well i just got this here live journal thing and im trying to learn how to work it haha...But anyways, im bored as hell and i should be working on my 2 papers that are do tomorrow but i don't really fell like it haha. I need to go to wal-mart but i don't want to leave. I guess being sick all last week has made me so lazy and i need to pep it up. well i guess im gonna go find something to do.